Smarter-than-you Customer

This posting is from a guest writer SS:

I work at a local copy shop and from time to time a customer will come in and need help with one of the self-serve machines. To those who do not work in retail: it is impossible for you to understand the total lack of common sense these people have, but I will try my best.

In my couple years working there at this store, I have developed a keen ability to tell what kind of customer I am going to be dealing before I even get up out of my chair to help. There are several species of copy shop customer, but today I will elaborate on a favorite: The Smarter-than-you Customer.

This is the customer that walks over to the copy machine, and stares at it for a good 30 seconds. They then attempt to make a copy. Without looking at them, I can hear them behind me, grunting and sighing and cursing under their breath as they make bad copy after bad copy. The first one came out blank. The second one got cut off. The third one was turned the wrong direction. The fourth one came out blank again. Yet, they blunder on. They refuse to be beaten by a machine, even though they obviously have no clue how to use it. Eventually, after about 5 minutes they breathlessly yell for help.

I reluctantly get out of my chair and walk over. "What can I help you with?" I ask. "Your stupid copier doesn't work," is the response. At this point with most customers I would usually just take their piece of paper and place it on the glass and hit COPY and be done with it. Unfortunately, Miss Smarter-than-you will have none of that. "That's not how you do it," she snarls. "Let's just try it," I say and reach for the COPY button. "No, you need to turn it the other way," she declares, still trying to show me how much smarter than me she is. I should add, at this point, that there are at least FOUR signs or arrows taped to all our copy machine to show how to insert a copy, and this woman is contradicting all of them.

Eventually, I usually end up standing there while Smarter-than-you makes more bad copies and figures it out herself because she refuses to let the person she asked to help, actually help.

To those of you who think the customer is always right and that anyone working in retail is an idiot, I have new motto for you: You are stupid, so there. Do you really think that you, using a copy machine maybe twice a year, know more about them than I do? Listen, I've worked here for three years. I make copies in my sleep. I fix copiers blindfolded with both arms tied behind my back. I bleed toner. I don't mind if you think you know more than me… really. Just don't ask for help if you're not gonna let me help.

Tune in next time when we will discuss idiots who don't know the difference between a square and a rectangle!