Drivers...

Drivers

There are some decent ones, some good ones, and some STUPID ones. (not going to point at any specific states..*utah*..) Where do I begin?
My first reason for wanting to post this came to me as I was heading to work. I work at a mall, and so as I was parking in the parking garage, (a little rushed) the person in front of me was going at a snail's pace while looking for a spot. -Take that back: a snail would have beat him in a race.- UGH! Now, I do not support speeding in parking garages, but you could go a llliiiiitttle faster, buddy! I wish I knew what they were thinking..."Maybe if I go slow enough, someone will hurry to their car, which is parked in this marvelous front area, and back out just as I get there. The people behind me won't mind!". Enough said.
Next- Turn Signals. Dear Utah/Stupid drivers. There is a magical switch in your car that you can use ANYTIME when you would like to inform others of your upcoming turn! Preferred by most, (or by law.. you pick) this switch should be used about eee...100 ft BEFORE your turn, just to inform and allow people time to prepare for your upcoming move. Please use this method often, in fact, as often as you fancy, then more! Thank you. Sincerely- People driving behind you that have to slam on thier brakes when they see that YOU can't decide where you're going until .0333 milliseconds BEFORE you turn.
O goodnesss... anyone out there feeling my pain? I am a somewhat safe driver. I pay attention, speed a little here and there, but I try to be considerate as often as possible. I also am a usually trustful driver, and don't panic to much about other cars around me. But that has not recently been the case. For some reason lately, (these past 2 months or so) I have not trusted ANYONE on the road. I always see people drifting into my lane, changing lanes quickly, not see me until it was almost too late, or just being plain stupid.
(A tribute to Jordan Harris) Here is what I call "Being #1". This is a growing epidemic in the driving world. People who have caught this disease tend to feel that they are #1. This means that they suddenly feel like they are the only drivers on the road/parking lot. They feel as if they are entitled to turn, back out, merge, or brake anytime they feel inclined. I, with Jordan as well, (who invented the term) have started calling out people with this problem while driving. You wouldn't believe how often this term is used : "Well- I guess YOU'RE #1!" Try it out sometime! You won't believe how many people firmly feel this way, and how many times you are cut off (and more) while driving.
Now, I hope you have enjoyed my little rant. It might seem as if I am complaining, and I am. I do hope that others feel this way as well, and would love any comments or concerns you have on this topic. Thank you again and remember- There are others on the road; Pay attention.

Disclaimer

This is my disclaimer:

All things written and posted on this blog are general topics and are never targeted at one specific person or event. All topics have been carefully thought about, discussed with others, examined, and been approved to share.
If you are personally offended- I'm sorry. Not intended by any means.
If you have any issues with any posts, whether good or bad, please feel free to let me know.
Thanks

-S

The Explainer

Hey everyone! Sorry.. it's been forever, I know. Lots of stuff going on!!
But there are so many things to write about! What should I discuss today...?

O- I know.

Lets call them The Explainers. Or the Joke Ruiners. Or people in this world who can't quite pick up on sarcasm, wittiness, common understanding jokes, or just inside jokes without having to explain them first. We've all come across them in our lives. I happen to find them to be quite a laugh ruiner at times, and learn not to confuse them too much with modern humor. They are the ones who commonly aren't up to par with any current (or even sometimes non-current) jokes, skits, videos, movies, or anything funny. They like to be involved in the joke, but often don't pick up on all the humor occuring, mosly because they don't have the proper background information. They then try to add on, or "fit in", by re-explaining the joke at its utmost obvious and informational way possible. Catching on to what i'm saying? Know of some people like this?
If not, I'll try to provide some examples.
Let's start out with an easy one. Picture this- you're telling a good joke to some of your friends. You tell the classic "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke (in which the answer is: to get to the other side) and everyone laughs. (well- try to imagine they do, because that joke really is not funny to most of us..). Now- The Explainer chimes in with his classic explanation. While laughing, he (or she) out loud says "HAHA! That's funny because chickens don't normally cross the road! HAHA!".
.........
Really..?
.........
Thanks for the explanation Mr. Explainer, because otherwise I would have been lost! LOST.
Then everyone kind of pity laughs, though all the people who are actually with it are just cringing inside and thinking "Wow... that really didn't need to be said.".
Making sense now? Need another example?
You're watching a movie with your friends. Hmm... I want a really specific example. Let's say the movie is Hot Rod. Well The Explainer has to explain everything that is funny in the movie. Or- they don't get it and question everything (as in everything that everyone else commonly thinks is funny). They say things like "What the...?" or explain why it was funny that he got hit by a car, wants to beat up his father, or is saying "WHiskey". I hope that helped you understand, or you are just laughing because you "Soooo know what I'm talking about!!"
Anyway.. to the people who don't understand this, I say to you, "You probably are this person." And to that I say two words. STOP IT. ( haha mad tv skit... you are awesome if you know what I'm talking about.)
Soo, to the normal people I say "Good Luck". These people, no matter how hard you try, will probably always be this way. Either learn to love thier cornyness, or make a new friend that understands life. Because, The Explainer must Explain. And the Jokes must go On.

Shudder

Clothing:

I love style. It's fun to mix and match, try new things and create new looks. BUT- There are some..take that back..MANY MANY clothes that shouldn't be made, and never should have been designed!
I was walking through shopko last night looking for some shorts for work. Just plain khaki shorts. (another subject, but did you know those are soo hard to find for girls?? gosh..) As I meandered through the store I saw some TERRIBLE styles being displayed on the wall. I can't believe people think some of those clothes are cute!
There are some items of clothing that literally just make me shudder. I get goosebumps, shudder- and I mean a full body, up the spine, grossed out shudder. My face will twist into something unattractive and I blatently stare down the clothing item. I can't help it! And I know that these symptoms are found in others as well when they pass by hideous clothing.
A few examples: terrible, no good patterns on unflattering shirts or pants. CAMO! Especially the pink "girlie" camo. Ugh! Any rhinestones.. PEOPLE WHO WEAR RHINESTONES: Get the picture- you are not cute and sparkly. They are just gross. Stop it.
There are many old clothing items from the 80's and so forth that are gross as well, but that is a different topic and shall be discussed some other time. I am talking about so called "current fashion"
People: Please stop this. Please stop.

Future Topics: Granny sweaters, Ed hardy, prom dresses, and much more.

-S

Summertimeallthetime

Stereotypes:
Definition: Wonderfully putting people into groups based on their clothes, attitude, personality, culture, ethnicity, and overall style.

I love stereotypes. Many people are against them, and in many ways, I can agree. Some could be "put down", or wrongly classified, or criticized for their "type" and really have their feelings hurt. This is what I don't like to do, but I truly feel that stereotypes can reflect a lot about a person by just looking at them.

Over the course of time I shall probably rant about most stereotypes out there. If you are classified into one of these, don't be personally offended. Stereotypes are general. It doesn't mean you fit every description, and it doesn't mean that I won't like you. It just means I generally don't like what you stand for! Haha
(but why does that matter in the long run?)

Aghh!! So many fun things to say, and so many wonderful types.. which one shall I discuss today?

The summertimeallthetime girls.

I love these girls with all my heart! NOT. These are the ones that wear flip flops and short shorts in the winter. I remember during High School fire drills in the winter, they would always be freezing outside hoping to find sympathy from the boys. (I really think the boys thought they were dumb, but who cares? They are hot.) Speaking of dumb- I have heard so many just-plain-stupid comments come from their mouths than any other stereotype. Example: If you were to tell them that you would love to move to England, their response might be "Umm... they don't speak english there." (just fyi- this comment was not actually from this stereotype, but it is a great example)
These girls are usually blond, fake I might add, and wear it long, stringy, and straightened like none other. They try their best to be tan at all times of the year, then always talk about how they are "soo white" even though we know that they are secretly thinking about how beautifully tan they really are.
They typically are skinny, but currently I have seen a growing trend of non-stick looking girls showcasing this stereotype. The brands they wear, worship and love: HOLLISTER, ABERCROMBIE & FITCH, AMERICAN EAGLE, VICTORIA'S SECRET, and anything else "soo summery and sexy".
If you want to be part of this club, here are your rules: Makeup is a must. On "casual sweats days" your sweats need to be from the PINK line at Vicki's secret, and your hair must either be up in a stylish messy bun, or fully down and looking great! You need to attend the high school sports games, but then act like you are too cool for anything. Summer is the BEST!! Always be ready to talk to much, like all the popular radio music, have money for whatever you want, and annoy people anywhere you go.
Think you can handle that??
In conclusion: There is so much more to say about the summertimeallthetime girls, but this is a smidgen of information just to keep you on the lookout for these amazing creatures.
If you would love to add the latest info to this stereotype, please email me, comment on my facebook wall, or just comment on here!!

-S
P.S. Sorry If I am rude... it's just the truth. Don't take it personally! There are many people that still love you- all the other girls just like you!
I really am a nice person in person though. :)

I tried to find a picture but didn't want to offend anyone out in this world. Soo, if you have an anonymous good one, let me know!

Is it Really?

That's so funny.

Has anyone noticed that this is the common response to about 75% of our conversations lately? "That is sooooo funny!" But is it really?? Now don't get me wrong, I am completely guilty of using this phrase in my everyday life, but is it really funny?
I can pinpoint several conversations where this response either comes from me or someone else, when the story is actually not funny in the slightest.
For example: This lady was talking about her cat and how she had to take it to the vet and stuff... and I responded with " Oo that's funny" when it isn't. In fact it was the opposite of funny- it was boring. But why did I say that? Automatic response. Yuck
So next time you are about to say "that is soo funny!" just stop and think.. is it really?

digusted-awkward stare

Here is a post from another guest writer, weesie:

well, today i will elaborate on the digusted-awkward stare. To help one envision what i am saying i will tell of an experience i have had with this. Recently i was sitting in a big college classroom at a camp i was at. Being bored from the speaker i resigned to doing my favorite thing, people watching. Since i was in a big classroom i figured i would be busy for the hour. I started my hunt for weird looking people when this certain girl, or so it seemed, caught my eye. Sitting there in a green shirt sat this girl who, i could have bet my life on, was a man. That is when the disgusted awkward face sets in. This is when you stare so much at this person, and are so focused on them and their weirdness, you don't even care they are clearly looking back at you as your face twists into the mean, digusted glare type look. I continued to stare at the girl for a long time, trying to figue out who she looked like, when she looked over and smiled at me. Prince Derek from Swan Princess, without a doubt in my heart. For the rest of the class i could not get over the fact that a girl could look so much like a man. I could tell she was getting uncomfortable after a while, with my stares, but i wasn't done. I just had to soak in the weirdness of the moment. It ended up this girl was best friends with a girl i had become friends with, and i ended up have to curl her hair for a dance that night. Totally weird. but This stare naturally comes on everyone's face when they encounter these certain types of people: hobos, overly obese people, people that look like animals, bald people, people who talk obnoxiously, people who spit on your face when you are talking to them, and people with sweaty faces and hands.

Smarter-than-you Customer

This posting is from a guest writer SS:

I work at a local copy shop and from time to time a customer will come in and need help with one of the self-serve machines. To those who do not work in retail: it is impossible for you to understand the total lack of common sense these people have, but I will try my best.

In my couple years working there at this store, I have developed a keen ability to tell what kind of customer I am going to be dealing before I even get up out of my chair to help. There are several species of copy shop customer, but today I will elaborate on a favorite: The Smarter-than-you Customer.

This is the customer that walks over to the copy machine, and stares at it for a good 30 seconds. They then attempt to make a copy. Without looking at them, I can hear them behind me, grunting and sighing and cursing under their breath as they make bad copy after bad copy. The first one came out blank. The second one got cut off. The third one was turned the wrong direction. The fourth one came out blank again. Yet, they blunder on. They refuse to be beaten by a machine, even though they obviously have no clue how to use it. Eventually, after about 5 minutes they breathlessly yell for help.

I reluctantly get out of my chair and walk over. "What can I help you with?" I ask. "Your stupid copier doesn't work," is the response. At this point with most customers I would usually just take their piece of paper and place it on the glass and hit COPY and be done with it. Unfortunately, Miss Smarter-than-you will have none of that. "That's not how you do it," she snarls. "Let's just try it," I say and reach for the COPY button. "No, you need to turn it the other way," she declares, still trying to show me how much smarter than me she is. I should add, at this point, that there are at least FOUR signs or arrows taped to all our copy machine to show how to insert a copy, and this woman is contradicting all of them.

Eventually, I usually end up standing there while Smarter-than-you makes more bad copies and figures it out herself because she refuses to let the person she asked to help, actually help.

To those of you who think the customer is always right and that anyone working in retail is an idiot, I have new motto for you: You are stupid, so there. Do you really think that you, using a copy machine maybe twice a year, know more about them than I do? Listen, I've worked here for three years. I make copies in my sleep. I fix copiers blindfolded with both arms tied behind my back. I bleed toner. I don't mind if you think you know more than me… really. Just don't ask for help if you're not gonna let me help.

Tune in next time when we will discuss idiots who don't know the difference between a square and a rectangle!

Child Obesity

I sat down to write a paper about child obesity and I just thought:

Children, You are eating wayy too much. You are fat.

When I see a chubby 8 yr old boy running around the water park with a bigger chest than me it makes me wonder, "what this world is coming to?"

Is it that hard to solve? no. They just need to eat less and run around outside. My children will look like little sticks someday. As long as they aren't part of this growing epidemic. Seriously.

-S

Disgusting Nose Breathers

Breathing.

We all have to do it sometime or another.

But don't we all hate it when the room is completely silent and you hear one little disgusting breathing noise? Maybe some snottage going on.. or a shrilly whistle. Or maybe the guilty one just has a disgusting breathing sound. I have met some disgusting breathers. And it gives me chills to recall our precious moments together alone, in a quiet environment.

Or what about when they sit really close to you? Or when it is incorporated into their talking voice? These are just some sad situations. Good luck on life to all you disgusting breathers. If you are one: figure it out. Maybe you need some decongestant? Or to blow your nose more often?
I don't know. But when you do figure it out, share it with all the other disgusting nose breathers in this world. Then we can all live in quiet environment peace.

-S

Carpeekers

Post numero uno!

I hope everyone can relate to our funny takes on life. We aren't posting these to be extremely negative- just bringing to light some everyday experiences and telling our opinions.

So here it goes!

As I was riding home from Seattle to Utah, I became bored in the backseat for a minute and began peeking out the window. As we passed people on the road, I truly began to realize how many drivers look into your car while driving! What is this?? I honestly am never a carpeeker unless at stop lights and so forth.. (which is a whole other topic) But during road tripping?? I really think the eyes should be on the road, but I guess that isn't many people's priority while driving. Besides... what are they expecting to see? A car full of clowns? No. Only bored people sitting in the car either asleep or anticipating their arrival home.
So to all the carpeekers out there, Remember: Look at the road first. You probably won't see something so extremely interesting in another car that rivals compromising your safety.
The End

-S

Have you ever been in a public restroom and felt uncomfortable because you think someone is peekin' at you through the crack in the stall?

Or have you found someone extremely annoying even though you've only taken a glance at them once?

And lastly, do people that try to hard to be something they're not bother you?

If you can answer yes to any or all of these questions, then this is the blog for you!!

Here to bring you what we call optimistic pessimism is J & S. We have a positive outlook on life but we tend to find and criticize all the flaws. By doing so makes us feel personally uplifted. I think that's the definition of a bully...haha

We will be posting this for your enjoyment and would love to hear back what you think, whether it agrees or disagrees with our viewpoints. Any feedback is good feedback!!